First things first, a very happy new year to all readers of my blog! I wish you all the very best with whatever it is that you want to achieve this year.
I’m usually consumed with new energy at the start of the year. But with how 2020 unfolded, it’s not surprising that my usual ‘new year’ self who bursts with positivity by the second is slightly absent.
I fully recognize and appreciate my privilege that allowed me to escape a lot of the hardships a huge part of our world has faced due to the Covid-19 pandemic. At the same time, it’s not a stretch to say that this year, in spite of our privileges, we’ve all in some form experienced loss, anxiety, and sheer exhaustion.
How 2020 closed for me
I was completely consumed with multiple projects at work in the second half of 2020. After I passed a certain ‘busy’ threshold, I had a hard time balancing my ambitions with my health. I felt burnt out juggling too much at once and decided to take a break from my blog to limit the demands on my time and energy.
During the break, I learned something about myself which now seems so obvious. I wonder why I didn’t pay attention to it before. Greg McKeown writes in his book Essentialism:
For a type A personality, it is not hard to push oneself hard. Pushing oneself to the limit is easy! The real challenge for the person who thrives on challenges is not to work hard.
Reading this part felt like a personal jab at me. I jumped out of my chair and went straight to Noor, my longtime best friend and life partner, to seek his view. He laughed and said, ‘I’ve been telling you this since ages but of course you’d listen to a bestselling author not me!’
I’m and have all my life been a high achiever by nature. I’ve a difficult time taking a step back or even slightly disappointing anyone without immediately feeling like a failure. I also move from goal to goal, rarely taking a breather.
Type A personalities have many advantages in life due to their intrinsic drive. Scientifically, however, we’re also prone to long-term stress and a host of other problems. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that I worked myself past my capacity last year. Consequently, I stopped enjoying the simple pleasures in life like a warm cup of coffee in the morning or a phone call with my mother in Pakistan without feeling the weight of my lengthy to-do list.
I’ve spent the past few weeks learning how to feel worthy without checking an item off my to-do list or achieving a milestone at work. I’m also actively trying to give myself less to do and rethink before saying yes to new projects.
Is goal-setting antithesis to self-acceptance?
That’s why at first setting goals for 2021 didn’t seem like a good idea. It could easily kick my achiever mode on, compelling me to make compromises that would cost me precious time and energy. But not setting goals for the new year also seems at odds with my personality.
Setting goals gives me a big picture vision of my life, as well as my purpose day to day. So, after some internal back and forth, I decided to set goals for 2021. I will, however, be careful not to measure my self-worth against how I perform at these goals. As my Calm meditation coach Tamara Levitt says in the guided meditation titled Worthiness in the ‘Relationship with Self Series:’
Worthiness is inherent in each person. […] The next time you lose sight of your own worth, try imagining yourself as a baby or small child. […] Remember that when you’re tiny there is nothing you need to accomplish, no standard you’ve to measure up to. Your worthiness shines like a bright light even when you’re vulnerable and dependent on others. You’re complete and perfect just the way you’re. We’re all inherently worthy sort of like babies are. We don’t have to achieve some sort of greatness to be cared for, loved, and respected.
Before I share my goals, let me quickly give you a rundown of my goal-setting strategy.
What is my goal-setting strategy?
My process to setting goals is probably too mechanical and may be even laughable to some people. I can see both my type B college best friend and Noor giving each other a high five right about now. But I thrive off of structure, so an itemized goal-setting strategy works best for me.
To start with, I put my consultant hat on and do a ‘gap assessment’ of my life. This constitutes where I’m currently and where I want to be at the end of the year. If you’re a visual person, I suggest creating a table with columns for where you’re, where you want to be, why you want to be where you want to be, and what you need to do to get there. You can use the rows of the table to indicate goals.
From personal experience, I suggest spending extra time on the ‘why’ of your goals. Ultimately, if you’ve a clear and strong why, you’ll be able to bounce back from setbacks along the way.
I also try to create goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). This framework can be too rigid for people who by nature appreciate flexibility, so do what works for you.
I’ll loosely share below some of my goals. I’ve purposely omitted shared goals I’ve with Noor, so his privacy isn’t compromised. Most of the omitted goals are either our relationship or financial goals.
Health
My biggest priority for 2021 is my health. I intend to either say no to or postpone any opportunities that come in the way of my health goals. I made significant progress in the first half of 2020 by running my first 5k, meditating everyday, regularly meal-prepping, and overall keeping my anxiety in check. Second half of 2020 was a whole different story with emotional eating, lack of sleep, little to no meditation, and minimal exercise.
By the end of 2021, I want to feel physically and mentally energized again. My actions to get there include:
- Workout for at least 20 minutes 5 times a week. Why? There is nothing that improves my sleep quality and reduces overall anxiety levels like a regular workout schedule. I already stuck with the 3 times a week schedule for the better part of 2020, so this year I’m giving myself an ambitious target.
- Run a 10k in the fall. Why? In my teens, I survived an aggressive tuberculosis onslaught. It led to some loss of lung capacity, which is why I want to push myself and make my lungs stronger everyday. I got a huge self-esteem boost when I ran a 5k last year. It’d be a missed opportunity not to build on that momentum!
- Meditate for 10 minutes daily. Why? I’m no meditation pro. In fact, half the time in a meditation practice, my mind is elsewhere. But I like that meditation pushes me to take a break and breathe. Even if I think about a hundred other things during my practice, meditation increases my overall self-awareness and I’m able to think clearly.
- Read at least one book a month. Why? It’s strange to place a reading goal in the health category. But reading pleasures me like few other things in life. A chapter before bed helps me feel happy, learn something new, and unplug from the worries of my to-do list.
- Lose 7-10 kilograms by the fall. Why? As per my Body Mass Index (BMI), I’m only one kilogram away from being overweight. I’m aware that the BMI is not a perfect health measure. However, I’m still inclined to lose the excess weight because of how it makes me feel. Not particularly attached to the number on the scale though, so as long as I feel myself again, I’d be flexible on altering this goal.
Finance
Financially, 2020 was a good year for us. I paid off my undergrad student loans and began investing in stocks. Because we didn’t travel, I could also max out my savings goal.
Some of my 2021 financial goals that aren’t shared with Noor include:
- Build a college tuition fund for a student. Why? Education played a huge role in helping me get ahead in life. For a long time, I’ve wanted to in some way to pass forward the generosity I received in the form of academic scholarships. I now have the opportunity to fully sponsor the university education of a loved one. But doing that on a consultant income is nearly impossible. So, I’ve the goal to make monthly contributions to this student’s tuition fund, which can then be used to pay out semester fees twice a year.
- Freeze spending on non-essential expenses until May 2021. Why? I log all my expenses on a monthly basis in a budget template I made in excel. In my 2020 financial review, I noticed that my 2020 non-essential spending was higher than I’d like it to be. So, one reason for this goal is to create more discipline around non-essential purchases. I also have some big, unavoidable expenses coming up in the second half of 2020, so I want to give my savings and the tuition fund I’m building a boost at the start of the year.
Knowledge and skills
This is an area where I usually have several goals every year. I love to learn and grow. This year, however, I’m only sticking to two concrete goals. With everything else on my plate, I’ll be happy if I achieve even one of them.
- Level up Dutch to ‘professional working fluency.‘ Why? I’ve passed my Dutch integration exams and speak enough to get by on the daily. In anticipation of soon becoming a Dutch national though, I would like to be able to fully participate in civic and political life, which is impossible without fluency in Dutch. This is also the least I can do to express my gratitude to a country that’s wholeheartedly welcomed me as an immigrant. An increased Dutch proficiency will also be an advantage in my career progression. I’m starting an advanced Dutch course later this month–not wasting another minute on this one!
- Obtain a Dutch driver’s license. Why? I don’t have a strong why for this one, honestly. It’s costly to keep a car in Amsterdam. Between a great public transport system and accessibility to Uber, we also don’t need it. In my five years living in Amsterdam, we’ve only rented a car three times! All that said, a Dutch driver’s license would still be useful to have and that’s my only reason for this goal.
Career & Creativity
In the interest of keeping my overachiever mode off, I’ve purposely not created specific goals for my career and creative pursuits. These areas bring out the worst of my type A personality, so a general vision instead of concrete goals is enough.
I’m very happy with where I’m in terms of my career growth. I’ve shared more in a five-year reflection blog post. Last year, I continually added value for my team in two complex regulatory areas, which got me recognition as a subject matter expert. My goal is to continue to grow my knowledge of those topics and create further value for my firm and clients. I also want to grow my business development skills and continue contributing to the diversity and inclusion agenda at my firm.
Last year, I wanted to grow my professional network outside of my consulting firm and clients, and work pro bono on advancing women’s rights. In December, I interviewed to join the Lean In leadership team in the Netherlands. To my surprise, they offered me the Head of Legal position. This year, I’m very excited to learn in this new pro bono role, grow my network, and make an impact on the gender equity agenda in Dutch workplaces.
As for creativity, I would just like to be more regular with posting both on my blog and insta. For the most part, I feel proud of the content I create. It’d be terrific to be able to consistently rollout content.
This wraps up pretty much most of all my intentions and goals for the new year. I’ll remember that my self-worth isn’t linked to the achievement of any goals. You should too if you’re working towards goals of your own.
If you read this far, thank you! I would love to hear one of your goals for the new year if you fancy sharing. I once again wish you a very happy new year. May 2021 be safer and healthier for all of us!
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